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8 Insane (But True) Things About Weddings

Claimer: This series of published facts are based on true events and a nights of a horrid experience. Resemblance to most weddings is, was and will stand true for all weddings that are yet to happen too.
  1. Weddings in India are almost like an airport battling a backlash of passengers of 20 delayed flights. 
  2. 30 year old's are arguing at the bar (for free food coupons at the airline counter) with spirit akin to Kejriwal before he came to power, teenagers are strewn across the floor/halls (mostly around charging points) & the seniors are lying in flat beds (occupying as many as possible and blocking some for an unaccounted passenger too). 
  3. Mothers and wives of the 30 year old are eyeballing stewards for larger helpings of the 'daal makhni or butter chicken' (airports only serve bone dry sandwiches and tea that is flatter than gujrati thepla though)
  4. Air hostesses and ground support staff resembling over dressed chirpy friends/cousins and college friends of the bride who find themselves with nothing to do in those times of a sudden god sent break time.
  5. When you stand in line to greet the couple you feel like you just might be asked for a boarding pass before you climb atop the stage. Needless to say it feels like you are crossing over from Gurgaon to Delhi back in the day when the freeway had a toll.
  6. When you finally get to giving gifts you feel like you are surrendering baggage at the check in (you could not be happier to get rid of it it & lugging it around).
  7. Those who have eaten at the wedding are in such an amazing rush to leave, its almost like the plane has landed & people have risen from their seats even before being asked to. Some actually leave their plates where they were just standing seconds ago.
  8. "Thank you for flying with us" - Mandatory exit speech by random uncle/bhateeji of the families of the groom or the bride is something that hits you in the face like the hot humid smell of Bombay just as you exit the plane. Always 'on time'.
I hate pompous, large scale weddings that sometimes put IPL opening ceremonies to shame.

Comments

Restlessilence said…
Hahahaha... Hilarious.. Couldn't stop laughing :P But so damn true! Big Phat Indian Weddings - sure to drive one up the wall!!!
P. said…
Ha, this is funnier than I expected it to be. How come my rants are never funnaaay?

In the gazillion Indian weddings that I have attended yet, there's only probably a moment or two - a spark of real emotion, a look or an act that makes it worth sitting through all the drama that is put together for 'society'.

Also, people who stand up as soon as the airplane wheels have touched terra firma - there should be special (painful) punishment for them.

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