Skip to main content

8 Insane (But True) Things About Weddings

Claimer: This series of published facts are based on true events and a nights of a horrid experience. Resemblance to most weddings is, was and will stand true for all weddings that are yet to happen too.
  1. Weddings in India are almost like an airport battling a backlash of passengers of 20 delayed flights. 
  2. 30 year old's are arguing at the bar (for free food coupons at the airline counter) with spirit akin to Kejriwal before he came to power, teenagers are strewn across the floor/halls (mostly around charging points) & the seniors are lying in flat beds (occupying as many as possible and blocking some for an unaccounted passenger too). 
  3. Mothers and wives of the 30 year old are eyeballing stewards for larger helpings of the 'daal makhni or butter chicken' (airports only serve bone dry sandwiches and tea that is flatter than gujrati thepla though)
  4. Air hostesses and ground support staff resembling over dressed chirpy friends/cousins and college friends of the bride who find themselves with nothing to do in those times of a sudden god sent break time.
  5. When you stand in line to greet the couple you feel like you just might be asked for a boarding pass before you climb atop the stage. Needless to say it feels like you are crossing over from Gurgaon to Delhi back in the day when the freeway had a toll.
  6. When you finally get to giving gifts you feel like you are surrendering baggage at the check in (you could not be happier to get rid of it it & lugging it around).
  7. Those who have eaten at the wedding are in such an amazing rush to leave, its almost like the plane has landed & people have risen from their seats even before being asked to. Some actually leave their plates where they were just standing seconds ago.
  8. "Thank you for flying with us" - Mandatory exit speech by random uncle/bhateeji of the families of the groom or the bride is something that hits you in the face like the hot humid smell of Bombay just as you exit the plane. Always 'on time'.
I hate pompous, large scale weddings that sometimes put IPL opening ceremonies to shame.


Restlessilence said…
Hahahaha... Hilarious.. Couldn't stop laughing :P But so damn true! Big Phat Indian Weddings - sure to drive one up the wall!!!
P. said…
Ha, this is funnier than I expected it to be. How come my rants are never funnaaay?

In the gazillion Indian weddings that I have attended yet, there's only probably a moment or two - a spark of real emotion, a look or an act that makes it worth sitting through all the drama that is put together for 'society'.

Also, people who stand up as soon as the airplane wheels have touched terra firma - there should be special (painful) punishment for them.

Popular posts from this blog

Rear view records

If I say a lot happened this year it will be quite the understatement of sorts. 
Life took all kinds of turns around bends that could give anyone a heart attack and also had its share of astronomical highs that one had never anticipated. If you saw a number 9 of the Indian cricket team score a ton in a test last week, my life felt the same too. Although, the speed at which it came was akin to a ton in a T20. 
Never been the one to complain but this year seemed to be one of the toughest in terms of a million things such as the health of loved ones. However, it was one of the best years of my life too when you see all that the universe conspired to throw at me.
Not one to trust in religion, I have consistently believed that life's zeniths are not far behind from its dreariest lows. It reminds me of an old post that I wrote on up being the only way to go when you are at the bottom is up. That has been followed to tee and I am proud to say so.
- Personal life lifted off like a shuttl…


The things that have changed in life ever since I moved far east.

I am no longer Akshay but AK. At restaurant reservation desks, client meetings, emails and receipts as well.Chopsticks are a part of kitchen cutlery and so is soy sauce a staple part of the diet.Officially an NRI now and that warrants an NRI account to be opened soon. Hate the tag.I have 700 unspent India rupees lying on the kitchen counter. Need to get rid of them before De-Moditisation takes toll on the 100sThe laptop and phone now keeps track of 5 times zones. DC, Melbourne, Qatar  & home of course.Mango pickle is a highly traded commodity.Local Indian store is on uber and saved places on maps.Shaving cream is on the endangered species list. Foam is challenger.I only cross (well mostly) at zebra crossings. Tagalog is getting added to a list of languages I know a smattering of.

Take Two

Its been a while.

Also two years that I left Mumbai memories behind to discover the other side of New Delhi.
To say I did not miss Mumbai will be as much as a lie as to say I do not love New Delhi more now.
I have the same list of things I would want to do here that I did almost two years earlier. I thought Mumbai was the obvious next step. Life had other plans.

Bombay from the office.
Lets see what Bombay throws at me this time.